Should have – Could have – Would have – Why these 3 words suck!
We all have those things we wish had of done, for me, I wish I had of started my gymnastics bodyweight training ages ago, for others they may think if I only could run a marathon, or what would happen if I stopped eating chocolate
The Should Haves
The Could Have
The Would have
The Should Haves
I used to think this type of thinking was kinda negative if you really want something stops thinking about it and just get after it right.
but if I’m honest, if it were that easy I would not have a job as a Health Coach and Exercise Physiologist
If it was easy to lose weight folks would
If it was as simple as saying, no more chocolate for me folks would
If it was as simple as saying I’m gonna run that marathon, folks would
But they don’t
Often they start with best of intentions, but somewhere along the way the wheels fall off, they stop the dieting, running becomes just too hard and they quit.
What was the last thing you quit because you weren’t getting anywhere?
so why does this happen…maybe the answer is in the actual word should, a qucikdictionaryy check comes back with
Should: used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions.
Actions that you are obligated to do which you’ll get criticized for…that’s kinda sucky right. Who wants to do stuff that they have too where they’ll likely get criticized for.
The word should in itself sets up some deep-seated negative thoughts around the actions we take… it’s not something we are driven t do, or are passionate about, but we gotta do it.
and let’s face it, for most folks, losing weight, and getting fit is kinda hard. both require some level of discomfort, effort, and consistent effort…and if you stop, well all that hard work just goes away.
So how to get out of this negative mindset of saying Should have
Easy, simply rephrase the working, swap should for am, or will
I should run a marathon, too I will run a marathon
Will: expressing the future tense.
When you say to yourself that you will run a marathon you are mentally programming yourself to achieve that future goal, whatever it may be.
Of course just saying something over and over won’t just manifest it, you still gotta do the work, put in the effort, rack up the reps. That where you may need a coach, or follow a program, engage a system that been proven to work. yoga, for example, is a system of mind-body training that’s stood the test of time….id says there probably a good reason for that.
But now you are doing with a positive mindset, versus a negative mindset. This is pretty powerful as it accesses different parts of the brain that deals with emotions and action, something that yoga, meditation and martial arts training have been doing for centuries.
If your future tense is, I’m not good enough, its too hard, people will criticize me, that inner dialogue, the mind chatter then all you are doing is reinforcing a negative future that hasn’t even happened.
That’s kinda stupid right!
If your future tense is, I am good enough, it’s easy, I love peoples feedback, your inner chatter becomes really nice, its a good time to spend with your own thoughts
That kinda cool.
So, my challenge for you today is to start paying attention to your internal dialogue. If you hear your self-saying I should have, acknowledge the statement, and then reframe to some more constructive, more positive